I posed it as a question but actually here's the thing it's a statement!
You teach people how to treat you so the truth bomb of the matter is if someone is treating you badly you need to rock up with your half of the blame and take responsibility!!
You know I'm not one to hold back and put things in a fluffy bag so you may need to read this email a few times to get your head around it but I urge you to do so. As a new perspective and way of thinking this one is quite liberating!
So how do you teach people the way to treat you? Well...
You tell them what is and what isn't acceptable. Sounds simple hey?! But how often do you actually do this? If you feel something isn't as you want it to be you have to say so. If you have a friendship that is one-sided you have to address the issue and here is a big one if you do something for someone and want something in return you have to state that before you do the thing you're doing. You can't do someone a favour or an act of kindness and then term them a dick or nasty person because they don't give you back that secret thing (return gesture/gushing review insert any expectation you had here) that you had wanted but didn't disclose as part of the 'deal'. They were not party to the conditions that you had created in your mind or the expectancy that you had and therefore the only person you can blame for the lack of what you received is you! FACT!!
Hard pill to swallow isn't it but think about it, it is sooo true.
We expect people to "know" or have a certain "decency" about them but what we are really expecting is not fair or realistic it is a mirrored action, behaviour, thought, or feeling of something we want but haven't disclosed. We are not directing people on how we wish to be treated.
Test the Theory...
Next time that you want someone to treat you in a certain way let them know and if they deliver awesome! If not you have an educated outcome as to what they are prepared to do in the balance of your friendship, relationship or whatever the situation is, their internal compass of behaviour and action.
I think not telling someone what you expect of them is like setting them up with a challenge they have a high chance of failing at, a game with missing pieces.
I hope this isn't too mind-boggling if you have any questions drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org I always love to hear from you
Much Love Victoria x